Abraham Lincoln was born in 1879 in the Abraham Lincoln Hospital which they built specifically for him. He was born at the same time as his famous rival: Aberham Linkon. Growing up in Albuquerque, Seattle, Japan, United States, Abraham was a pretty funny guy. He used always pull hilarous pranks such as that one time he walked a pig on a ceiling or that other time when he framed George Washington for chopping down a cherry tree. However, Aberham Linkon was not funny. Aberham was mean and cruel. It is rumored by many that when Abraham and Aberham first met, Abe Lincoln spit funny flower juice into Abe Linkon's face. After this, Aberham Linkon and George Washington teamed up to cut down Abraham's own cherry tree and frame him for it. Unfornately, Abraham Lincoln's parents, Abe Daveson and Maria Daveson, both fell for this devious trick and kicked Abraham out of their home. Following the advice given to him by a vision of Dio, Abe spent the rest of his childhood playing guitar as he tried to find the town of Hollywood.
By adulthood Abraham Lincoln had given up on his dreams of being a rockstar because he realized that Dio doesn't exist yet. Still though, Abe had made it to Hollywood, the capital of the Untited States. Considering that he was here anyway, Abe decieded to run for president of the United States of America! He knew that this would be hard considering the fact that he would be running against his longtime rival, the man who got him kicked out of his own home, you know who it is, the great, the big, the bad, Aberham Linkon! Pretty crazy, I know. Now, Abraham didn't know anything about politics. In fact, until about six seconds ago, Abe didn't even know that there was a president of the United States. Pretty crazy, I know. But still, Abe had an ace up his sleeve. He was a super hero. Prety crazy, I know. Using his super strength, he beat Aberham Linkon to a pulp. Unfortunatly, Aberham Linkon got one good punch in on Abraham Lincoln causing all of his teeth to be knocked out. After this, Mr. Lincoln was never the same again. He had to get wooden teeth which prevented him from funny because of their Evil Magic Aura™. But hey, he president now.
As his first order in office, Abe immedietly waged war on his own country. This caused great turmoil throughout the nation. What kind of a lunatic wages war on his own country? Well, you see their was good reason. America had no slaves. Abe knew this was a problem. So, he waged war on America and invented slavery, pretty cool! His second order in office was ending the was by nuking the United States. This worked. Slavery is real now. Pretty cool.
After only two orders in office, Abe had become the most hated president in U.S. history. Prety cool. Anyway, on one fateful day in 1867, Abraham Lincoln drove to the Ford theater in his Ford car on the Fordth of July. This is scary. Very scary, I mean look at how many times we said Ford. Anyway, he sadly died from the measles, but the bullet didn't help either. That's right, Aberham Linkon shot Abraham Lincoln for revenge. How's that for a plot twist, eh? Also, don't act like Dumbledore dying is some big spoiler! You already know that he does! Losers.
Baberham Bincoln.